Best One-Liners

Chuck: I love you, Sarah Walker. I always have.

Jeff: My life would be a never-ending Cialis commercial if I had her.

Chuck: I’m putting my foot down. Gingerly.

Casey: My job is to look after every citizen of this nation, not just the girl that raises your flag.

Sarah: This is part of my cover. Chuck: Well, it doesn’t cover a thing.

Roan: Perhaps I’ve moved too fast. Have you had intercourse before?

Roan: Tranq and explode!

Roan: What a way to go.

Chuck: Phone trouble, again?
Sarah: Yeah, I’m not sure I’m able to receive calls ’cause I never got one from you.

Morgan: Oh, he’s free. He’s got nothing but time on his hands.

Morgan: Why wouldn’t you call this girl?
Chuck: Oh, I don’t know. Did you see her?
Morgan: Oh, God. Yes. That’s why I’m going to repeat the question. Why wouldn’t you call this girl?
Chuck: Because I live on planet Earth, Morgan.

Chuck: Is it me or does our government never want me to have sex again?

Chuck. Oh, I see. You’re going to shoot me to prevent me from being blown up. That’s a great plan.

Carina: This place is like if a yawn could yawn.

Carina: How do you stand it?
Sarah: I’m good here.

Carina: This charm bracelet looks like what some sucker in love might wear.

Chuck: It’s alive!

Chuck: Mr. Carmichael always comes quickly.

Carina: Oh, hello Casey. Nice to see you with your pants on.

Sarah: Wow, it’s just like Prague, huh?

Carina: He keeps the access key to the secured area in his pants, which I can easily access.
Casey: Oh, I’ll bet you can.

Morgan: Carina is almost six feet of pure Swede.
Lester: As if a hot piece of tuchus like that would get anywhere near a dirty treife like you.

Chuck: Don’t worry. This guy’s feeling no pain.

Jeff: What’s up, ladies? (To Chuck) You take the brunette. I’ll take a crack at the blonde.

Jeff: Rumor has it you’re pregnant. Is there room in that womb for two?

Chuck: And the tank. The tank. Cancel the tank.

Sarah: Thank you for saving me. I appreciated the tank.

Beckman: A full tactical assault? You want to see the bill for your rescue mission? It’s longer than my copy of Atlas Shrugged.

Chuck: Everything he does is awesome: climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, flossing.

Chuck: And I was thinking, either she’s a cannibal or she’s really not that funny. And I was pulling for cannibal ’cause I’ve never met one before.

Chuck: I’m thankful Bryce Larkin is dead and is not currently in my bedroom making out with my new girlfriend.
Casey: Excuse me, please.
Morgan: Buddy, that was dark.
Devon: And specific.

Chuck: Come on! Of all the semi-tart, Asian-influenced frozen yogurt shops in all the towns in all the world, you walked into hers?

Chuck: I’m Chuck, by the way, but around here people just know me as… (pauses and looks at Sarah to fully savor the moment) as Jenny’s Chuck. Jenny and Chuck. Chuck and Jenny.

Sarah: All that Jenny’s boyfriend needs to know is that Jenny hates questions about her past. (Stabs Chuck’s picture with a pencil.) You got that?

Hugo: Are you done with that newspaper?
Guard: Look who thinks he can read.

Chuck: Ladybugs can’t all be ladies. How would we get little ladybugs?

Morgan: 99 times out of ten, the stud gets the girl.

Chuck: Guys, I know kung fu.

Casey: Oh, Chuck me!

Emmett: Let me stop you, Chuck. I’m incredibly flattered but I’m a flaming heterosexual.

Chuck: She took all my mojo.
Casey: You had mojo?
Chuck: I was on my way.

Chuck: By the way, she [Jill] slept with Bryce Larkin.
Casey (looking at Sarah): Who hasn’t?

Chuck: Well, we don’t have the authority to use the supply closet for what it is we use it for but we do it anyway, don’t we?

Heather: Isn’t spy sex great?

Awesome: You guys are joined at the hip but that’s not where you’re supposed to be joined.

Morgan: Not such a passive people, after all.

Wookiee: Pretty girls call me Peyman.
Chuck: Hey, Peyman.

Carina: If Sarah were here, I couldn’t seduce you. Unless, maybe, you’re into that sort of thing.

Chuck: I can’t hit a girl.
Sarah: I can.

Casey: I love love.

Casey: You don’t even have the common courtesy of threatening me with a real firearm.

Casey: Hasn’t that mirror suffered enough already?

Casey: Hey, somebody order drive-thru?

Casey: Somebody call the cable guy?

Casey: If my primary objective wasn’t to protect you, I’d kill you.

Casey: You’re awfully cool about your supercomputer boyfriend browsing someone else’s network.

Casey: You’re sure you’re not just jealous Bartowski’s found himself a new piece of asset?

Casey: I wasn’t hatched.

Casey: This from the agent that can’t keep her chocolate out of Bartowski’s peanut butter.

Casey: I’m trapped. I may have to cut my arm off.

Sarah: Anyone else wanna be my boyfriend?

Colt: Move and she dies.

Colt: Don’t worry. Be honest. I’m going for imposing.

Volkoff: Invigorating work back there.

Volkoff: This is how you make a threat.

Sarah: I love a good suicide mission.

Volkoff: You are so much fun!

Jill: The Morgan really is killer.

Lester: Chuck is the greatest lady killer Burbank has ever seen.

Chuck: I want to be able to call you at the end of a bad day…and not find out that I can’t because you’re off somewhere in Paraguay quelling a revolution with a fork.

Chuck: Oh, God Somebody shoot me now.
Roark: I can help with that, Chuck.

Casey: You rang.

Mary: Come with me if you want to live.

Awesome: Babe, this [body] didn’t happen by accident.

Morgan: Let’s cut the man some slack. He’s got the world’s fate resting in his hands.
Casey: Oh, I’d say he’s got something else resting in his hands.
Morgan: What do you mean? Casey: He’s going to need a walker when Walker’s through with him.
Morgan: ?
Casey: They are having intercourse, idiot.

Chuck: Mom, this is my girlfriend, Sarah. Sarah, this is my mom, Mary. I don’t know how to say this exactly but, please, don’t kill each other.

Bolonia: What’s going on?
Big Mike: I don’t know but this wedding just got good.

Dad Awesome: Why are you letting Sam Kinison and an Indian lesbian wreck your wedding?

Casey: The truth is, there’s no such thing as the perfect moment or the perfect spot. All you need is the girl.

Chuck: Sarah, do you love me?
Sarah (a couple of hours later): Yes.